February Movie Geeks Club

On February 26, Movie Geeks Club will screen Angels with Dirty Faces, a classic piece of film noir, featuring the great James Cagney.

As always, we'll open the doors at 7:00, and the film will start around 7:30. Micah tells me the DVD is packaged with some sweet extras, including the original newsreel footage and a Warner Bros. cartoon that played prior to Angels in theaters. We'll screen these extras prior to the movie to help transport us back to the cinematic experience of 1938.

Features include:
A trailer for Boy Meets Girl, a comedy starring Cagney and O'Brien.
A newsreel warning of war clouds gathering over Europe and Franklin Roosevelt's call for America to rearm.
A black-and-white Porky and Daffy cartoon, titled "Porky and Daffy," directed by Robert Clampett.

It's Official, We're Shooting a Short Film!

Thanks to our good friends Ryan and Nick, we have secured an awesome camera and some audio equipment. We are going to shoot Saturday. It is a rare opportunity for us to have access to such fine equipment, and I'm grateful to have Ryan and Nick on the team. They're going to make this look awesome, I'm sure.

The Courier is a short film prequel to our feature-length film, The Rickert Racket. It is about Snorri Harsgaard and Hamilton Stone, two milquetoast city employees at the beck and call of Springfield's biggest powermonger, Councilman Jack Rickert. During their first day on the job in Springfield's Animal Control department, Snorri and Hamilton get a call from Rickert to meet a courier at the old Sangamo Town site to pick up an important package. Snorri and Hamilton embark on a mini adventure to find the courier and secure the mysterious package for Rickert.

Casting was completed last week. Here's the cast:

Snorri Harsgaard will be played by John Anderson
Hamilton Stone will be played by Micah Roderick
The Courier will be played by Travis Liles

We are all hard at work memorizing lines, finding props, scouting shooting locations, and making awesome-looking fake blood. That's right . . . fake blood!

We'll keep you posted on the status of the film here. Stay tuned.

Movie Geeks Club - February Nominations

John and I have chosen the selections for the February Movie Geeks Club that will held at the time and place on February 26th. The Feb. selections were focused on classic noir. It just so happens that in 2008, we have nominated a film from 1938, 1948 and 1958. Purely coincidental. As usual, if you cannot attend tomorrow's Movie Geeks Club featuring Corn Dog Man, you may submit your vote to us through e-mail. Here they are:

Angels With Dirty Faces (1938)

This film stars James Cagney in one his best performances. It's about two kids who grew up on the wrong side of the law. One became a priest and the other became a sophisticated criminal. Rocky (Cagney) meets up with his old friend Jerry (Pat O'Brien) to help him get organized again after being released from prison. Jerry tries to keep his old friend from corrupting a group of teenage boys who come to idolize Rocky. It's a great story and if you're not familiar James Cagney, watch this. You'll see why his one of the all-time greats. Humphrey Bogart has a supporting role.

Key Largo (1948)

This is an intense film starring Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Edward G. Robinson. Frank McCloud (Bogart) travels to a hotel in Key Largo, FL to honor the memory of his old friend from World War II. Nora Temple is his friends widow and her father runs the hotel. The small hotel is taken over by three gangsters led by Johnny Rocco (Robinson). McCloud reluctantly has to act as Rocco kills two local Indians and a Deputy Sheriff. The other antagonist of the story is a hurricane which creates even more tension. I watched this film several times as a child and Edward G. Robinson still gives me the chills.

Touch of Evil (1958)

I have not seen this film so I will quote IMDB.

"An automobile is blown up as it crosses the Mexican border into the United States. Mike Vargas, a high ranking Mexican narcotics official on honeymoon with his bride Susie is drawn into the investigation because a Mexican national has been accused of the crime. The figurative and physical presence of Hank Quinlan as the 330 pound sheriff looms all over. Quinlan is a fanatic where "justice" is concerned, even if obtaining it involves planting evidence. Quinlan's reputation for law and order enables him to bend the law without question until Vargas confronts him. From that point on, it's a battle of wits between the two that, with an accelerating pace, rushes to a thrilling climax."

Orson Wells wrote, directed and starred in this classic film. It also stars Charlton Heston and Janet Leigh. I have always wanted to see this and never gotten the chance. I don't believe you can go wrong with this.

Breaking Bad is So Good

Being a big fan of AMC's original series Mad Men, I decided to give Breaking Bad a chance. First off, I love Bryan Cranston. I thought he was great as Hal in Malcolm in the Middle, and seeing him running around in tighty whities in the commercials for Breaking Bad somehow managed to strike a balance for me between horrifyingly tragic and tear-streamingly funny. I had to watch this show.

The basic premise is this: Cranston plays milquetoast high school chemistry teacher Walter White with a partially handicapped teenage son and a pregnant wife. He's doing everything in his power to make ends meet for his family, including working afterschool at a car wash where he must face ridicule from his upperclass students who bring their high dollar sports cars there for him to wash. When Walt discovers he has terminal lung cancer, his midlife crisis gets a hell of a lot more serious.

How is he going to provide for his family after his death? When he learns that a former student and current burnout of his, named Jesse Pinkman, is cooking meth, Walt decides to team up with the youngster. He'll use his chemistry skills to cook the finest meth in the region, and Pinkman can sell it. With hopes of hauling in hundreds of thousands of dollars right away, White sets his plan in motion.

From the outset, Walt White's plan to become a meth cook is fraught with disaster. Walking the thin line between hilarity and dark tragedy, Breaking Bad draws on your empathy to constantly put yourself in Walt's shoes. You're constantly prompted to ask yourself, "What the hell would I do?" And it's damn surprising in its twists and turns. And shocking. Last night featured one of the most truly shocking scenes I've ever seen on TV. Ever. All I could do is sit there with my mouth agape, thinking "Holy @#%^!"

It's so good.

The Baddest Man in Baseball

When I was a kid I used to love bench-clearing brawls. It seemed such a shift from the calm passivity of a typical baseball game. You go from 9 guys standing around on a field of grass chewing on stuff and 9 guys lounging around in a glorified toolshed chewing on stuff to 18 guys running amok, fists pumping, hats flying, hair mussed. It's great. Awhile back I was reading up on the greatest baseball brawls of all time, when I came across evidence of the greatest baseball fight in history.

It's the story of a hardass umpire and a frustrated Chicago White Sox team. The combination on May 20, 1932 made for a great piece of baseball lore. And I think it proves that George Moriarty, who most people probably don't even know, is the baddest man to ever wield a bat and chew on stuff.

After the White Sox lost both ends of a doubleheader to the Indians in Cleveland, some of Chicago's players accused ump George Moriarty of deliberately making bad calls against them. Moriarty, who'd once played for the Sox, challenged the players to a fight, and pitcher Mike Gaston accepted. Moriarty knocked Gaston down with one punch, but broke his fist in the process. At that point, White Sox manager Lew Fonseca and catchers Charlie Berry and Frank Grube jumped the ump and thrashed him good, bloodying his mouth.

Fellow umpire Bill Dinneen did try to help Moriarty, but George still had some brawl left in him. "You stay out of this, Bill," he said. "This is my fight." Then he got up and said, "Now who else is there who thinks I'm yellow?"

I tip my hat to you, Mr. Moriarty, the toughest SOB in baseball.

References
1. http://espn.go.com/page2/s/list/basebrawl.html
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Moriarty

Ho Lee Shit!

Occasionally, I like to browse YouTube for funny videos from public access shows. I found this YouTube video this morning, and it is a must-see. The first 30 seconds will hook you, but you should stay tuned until the end. This lady is a true nutcase.

Calling All Movie Geeks

After a month off for Christmas, Movie Geeks Club is back in full-swing this month with The Corndog Man. Capital City Bar and Grill. Tuesday, January 29th. Doors at 7:00. Movie starts at 7:30.

If you've never seen The Corndog Man, you owe it to yourself to come check out this gem of an indie. The Corndog Man was an official selection at Sundance in 1999, and it won several awards on the indie festival circuit that same year. It features Noble Willingham, well known for his roles as a character actor on Murder, She Wrote and Walker, Texas Ranger. Willingham appeared in over thirty feature films in his career. Most notable to our Movie Geeks is probably his role as Zebulon Cardoza in The Hudsucker Proxy.

But in The Corndog Man, Willingham steps out and really shines as the foul-mouthed, bigoted boat salesman Ace Barker. The entire movie rests on Willingham's shoulders, and his profanity-laced, improvised lines are some of the best I've ever heard.

Every dog has his day!

Plans for The Rickert Racket

Yesterday, Micah, Aubrey, and I sat down and did a full read-through of the script. We went scene by scene, looking for places to smooth over dialogue to make the language more natural and to cut down on length anywhere we could. We made quite a few tweaks; most of it very minor. Mainly we had a blast going through the thing and listening to the plot unfold. It definitely helped me to hear the dialogue out loud.

So, what's our plan? Well, the first thing we're going to do is get all the revisions made and pass it along for entry into the Writing Initiative's "Get Initiative" Screenwriting Competition. The deadline for entry is January 31, so we only have a few days to get the final draft together. Additionally, we will send the script to 747 Productions to see if they would be interested in producing it, or if they have any tips for us on how to get it made. Since it's a Springfield-centric movie, it makes sense that they would have an interest in it. Certainly they would have more interest in it than a production company in, say, California.

Additionally, we have written the script for a short film as a sort of prequel to the events that occur in The Rickert Racket. The short film, currently titled An Untitled Snorri and Hamilton Short would roughly translate to about 10-15 minutes on film. Our plan is to get this short filmed and wrapped up before May 15, and enter it into this year's Route 66 Film Festival. We'd like to use the short to generate buzz about the feature and maybe to draw more interest to the project.

Currently, for the short we're trying to find a camera to use as well as decent audio. Micah and I will play the roles of Snorri and Hamilton, but we need to find someone to play the third role, The Messenger. This is a male in his mid-20s to mid-30s. If you know of the availability of any of these resources, hit us up. Additionally, any tips or suggestions are much appreciated.

Pictures from The Lebowski Experience

Here are a couple of still shots from the J2G shoot at The Lebowski Experience. Micah and I had a blast coming out and seeing everyone. Thanks for giving us a chance to be a part of something so awesome.

Nerd Surgeon

I've been a big fan of the Wii since I first learned of its cutting edge approach to video gaming. Not to mention, I appreciate Nintendo's attempts to market the gaming engine to a diverse crowd. This isn't just a system for little kids or nerdcore gaming enthusiasts. This is a system for everyone. The games that have been released and that are planned have a broad appeal that attracts young and old, male and female, cool and uncool.

I also like the educational side of the Wii. With games like Big Brain Academy, Sudoku, and Crossword, you can play the Wii, and get smarter at the same time. Not to mention, did I catch wind that there's going to be an Iron Chef America game coming to the Wii in '08? I'm not a huge fan of the watered-down Americanized version of Iron Chef, but if I have the chance to virtually throw down in the kitchen against Bobby Flay(I don't respect him at all) or Cat Kora (I respect her a ton), you better believe I'm going to take it.

Then I heard a story this morning on NPR about the benefits that playing the Wii has on training surgeons. Apparently, surgeons-in-training who warm up on the Wii perform 50% better during virtual surgery than their non-gaming peers. The story went on to say that the research team behind the study has started developing a virtual surgery software series that can be used by surgeon trainees in 3rd world countries, where the staggering price of the current software is out of reach.

I don't yet own a Wii, but I hope to someday. And then my dream of becoming a hobby surgeon will finally be achieved. And I'll finally have the chance to smack Bobby Flay around in Kitchen Stadium.

Mouse in the House (Part Two)

Okay, so way back at the beginning of my last post, I mentioned that we haven't had any wild animals in our house since . . . last night. Well, here's how things went down.

A few days ago, the girls (aka the resident security team) started acting strangely. Every time I went to the basement, they raced past me and sniffed all over the floor. They always smell around a little bit, as dogs are wont to do, but they were going crazy. Aubrey and I both felt that something was proverbially up.

Last night, we went to bed, and the girls were really riled up. They were sniffing baseboards, radiator pipe holes, and just about anything else that might conceal a little animal. We looked around with them for awhile, determined there was nothing to be done, and went to bed.

At midnight, Aubrey woke me up. "John," she said, "the girls just raced downstairs. Will you go check it out?"

Groggily, I rolled out of bed, wandered downstairs and watched as the girls wagged their tails profusely and sniffed all around the house. Again, after determining there was nothing much I could accomplish, I encouraged them to go back to bed, and I returned as well.

Sometime around 3:30, Idgie barked outside our bedroom door. Aubrey nudged me again. "John, Idgie's barking." I groggily again rolled out of bed and went to see what the matter was.

Idgie, left. Lucy, right.

Upon opening the door, Idgie was doing her best Lassie impression. She was kind of nodding down the stairs. "What's that Idgie?" I asked. "Billy's fallen in the old mine shaft?" So, I followed her and she proudly led me to her sister. Lucy was perched patiently in front of the stove. I listened, heard nothing, and determined it yet another false alarm. But this time I got it in my head that I would prove to the girls that nothing was going on.

I opened a cabinet door. "See," I said. "Nothing."

I opened another cabinet door. "See," I said. "Nothing."

I pulled open the pan drawer below the stove, and in a flash a big mouse leapt straight out at me. Being somewhat groggy and in low light conditions, I freaked out a bit. I jumped back a step. Idgie, the proud sniffer, also bowed out to the left, surprised by the bold mouse leaping through the still night air. Lucy, without hesitation, jumped up, snatched the mouse right out of the air with one powerful chomp and dropped it dead to the ground. It was amazing. Split second reaction perfectly executed.

The girls smelled the dead mouse for a minute while I gathered my wits and a garbage bag with which to pick it up. Then the excitement was over. I did not return to bed. Instead, I devoted the next several hours to cleaning and sterilizing everything in the kitchen that could have possibly been tainted by this mouse's foul touch.

Lucy's always been a great ball player. She's always seeking someone to throw a ball to her or to play a little tug of war. We've practiced tossing the ball in a low arc ahead and a little above her so many times that it's second nature for her to leap out and snatch it out of the air. I always enjoy the play time with the girls, but last night I learned it has some incredible practical use as well.

Gone are the days when I have to electrocute mice with cattle prods or smash them ruthlessly underfoot. I have dogs.

Mouse in the House (Part One)

In the fall of aught six, we had a raccoon break into our attic. Having little experience with wrangling wild raccoons, I deferred to our resident security team to take care of business. More on that in a later post. We haven't had any wild animals in our house since that event . . . until last night.

Now, I've had a lot of experience with mice in my lifetime. My parents live in the country right outside Oakford, and every year when the harvest came, they inevitably get a field mouse or two in the house. When I was a teenager, I crushed these rodents without mercy. We used traps mostly to do the trick, but when push came to shove, I'd use whatever it took. Open the dishwasher, a mouse comes darting out, and crunch, I'd crush it underfoot. I started by first removing my shoe and swatting the damn things to death. I lost too many, however, in the preparation stage of the attack, so I finally just resorted to stomping them dead. Once, a tiny little mouse liver shot right out of a tiny mouse mouth. I felt kind of bad . . . wait a minute, no I didn't. That bastard was in our dishwasher.

My junior and senior year of high school, I worked an after-school and weekend job at the local hardware store. One fall, we had an infestation of mice nesting in our bird seed and grain bins. They were tunneled way down into the lesser-purchased grains, and they needed to be dealt with. Who better to handle the job than the gawky teenager with a penchant for heavy metal and old T-shirts?

So they gave me the job of getting rid of the mice. I wasn't sure how to begin. I started out with glue traps. Anyone who says these traps are more humane than conventional traps is a sick bastard. I put down my first set of glue traps on a Saturday afternoon, went home, and when I arrived at work on Monday afternoon, I found mouse hell on Earth. Three mice, stuck in glue, bleeding to death from where they had attempted to gnaw their own legs free. As they tried to get free, they only got more stuck in the glue. I quickly crushed these poor saps and went back to the drawing board.

Old-school mouse traps in hand, I set out to begin stage two of my project. I planted mouse traps all over the place. The next day, I returned. Most of the traps had been sprung, but not a single mouse had been caught. Frustrated, I reset all the traps, snapping my gloved hands not once but twice in the damn process. I was hopeful this would work, but I realized I was treading water. I knew there had to be a better way. I mean, I had a truckload of mice to dispose of, and I was wasting precious time.

That next Saturday I devoted entirely to mouse extermination. I didn't know how I'd do it, but I'd do it. I considered donning elbow length gloves and picking the mice directly out of their elaborate tunnel system and then drowning the lot of them in a cattle trough. It was a real pretty stainless number, and I thought it would be a pretty noble way to go.

But I just wasn't ready to start snatching mice by the handful. Not that I was scared or anything. I just thought there had to be a better way. Then, in aisle four, I had my eureka moment. Use cattle prods to electrocute the holy hell out of them. It was now officially on.
The new method was clean, efficient, and so easy. With my cattle prod in hand, I scraped the grains back to reveal an entire colony of mice. I'm talking 30-50 mice easily. Some were huge, practically rats. Others were just wee little baby mice, like the kind you'd wear on a charm necklace. I killed them all. I ran roughshod over the whole lot of them with my electric prod of death. Within minutes, the entire lot of mice lay smoking and twitching in the grain. It was then easy work to pluck them from the bin and toss them in a bucket. I threw them in the dumpster, put the cattle prod back in aisle 4, and dusted my hands in a job well done.

Oh, and that mouse charm necklace I made was the talk of the town, too. At least for a few days until it started to stink real bad.

Misheard Lyrics

Here's a misheard lyric that I've been meaning to blog about for awhile now. It comes from the Pearl Jam album Vs., and it's from the song "Rats."

The original lyric is:

they don't eat, don't sleep
they don't feed, they don't seethe
bare their gums when they moan and squeak
lick the dirt off a larger one's feet

But I've always liked to think of it this way:

they don't eat, don't sleep
they don't feed, they don't seethe
bare their gums when they moan and squeak
lick the dirt off Olajuwon's feet

It's not really that I've misunderstood this lyric, but that I kind of prefer the latter over the former. I've always known that it's not "Olajuwon's feet." I mean I'm not dumb. But part of me has always wished that it was "Olajuwon's feet." Maybe my imagination was overdeveloped as a child, but the visual image of that song is so much sweeter when I can imagine a posse of alley rats licking Hakeem Olajuwon's feet, while he stands tall, clutching a basketball in his giant hands and looking sweaty and menacing. It's kind of like Willard meets the NBA.

NOTE:
Apparently I'm not the only one. AmIRight.com shows two misinterpretations of this lyric. The Olajuwon, and this:

Misheard Lyrics:
Lick the dirt off Elijah Wood's feet.

Ehh, I don't know about that one.

What In The Hell Is Wrong With Me?

Lately, I have a problem. Like many afflictions, it has come upon me rather slowly, but it has now become a serious problem that I need to address publicly for two reasons. One, to warn people who may encounter me in public places. Please, people, do not fear me for my affliction. I am not a bad person. Two, to seek help. To seek guidance. Can anyone out there help me?

Okay, so what is my problem? I, for the life of me, cannot remember to zip my fly. Once, not that long ago, I was a strict fly-zipper. Never did the fly go down, that it didn't come right back up. I was even what you might call an overzealous fly-zipper, sneaking hand pats to ensure that yes, the zipper was closed, and the safety was on. But now, I'll go lumbering around the house and Aubrey will frown, point, and say, "John, what the hell? You just came back from the Post Office."

I honestly can't say what the problem is. Often when I have had reason to have my fly down, I wholeheartedly believe that I have zipped up before leaving the restroom. Inevitably, however, I find twenty or thirty minutes later, that the barn door is still open. It's already happened to me twice this morning. Do I need to put a checklist on the medicine cabinet as a reminder?

Does my problem stem from working at home? I've always prided myself on my ability to stay locked into a strict work-from-home regimen. Most people picture this, when they imagine someone working from home:

That's not me. I've always gotten dressed in the morning. I work a set schedule that reflects those of my office-occupying coworkers. In fact, to the surprise of most people I meet, I get far more done at home than I ever did navigating the social playground I refer to as the workplace.

But now I wonder. Is my subconscious mind trying to convert me into a robe-wearing, flannel pajama-sporting slacker? Will I soon start finding my buttons unbuttoned?

The Lebowski Experience in the News

Today's A&E section of the SJ-R features a story about The Lebowski Experience.

This ought to really boost attendance for the event. I'm excited to see how the 1st Annual The Lebowski Experience will go.

The Rickert Racket Script Excerpt #2

Here's another excerpt from the script. Just some background: Curt and Sid are idiots.

EXT. CRÈME DE MEL PARKING LOT. MORNING.

THE DUDES park their car. As they get out, SID and CURT, wearing masks, hold them up at gunpoint.

SID
Hey pussies. Get your hands up
and get in the car.

MIKE and JACK get in the backseat of the car. They’re smooshed. It’s a tiny little car, and there’s very little room for the two of them. SID and CURT get in and drive off. CURT ties black cloth bags over MIKE and JACK’s heads and holds the gun in a threatening way.

JACK
No offense, but you guys need a
bigger getaway car. It’s cramped
quarters in here.

CURT
Shut up. It’s all we can afford.

MIKE
No worries. My buddy was just saying.

JACK
Where are you taking us?

SID
To hell, man.

SID turns on the stereo. Iron Maiden’s “Run to the Hills” blares from the speakers.

CURT
This song always gets me so fucking
jacked, dude.

JACK
I was never a huge Maiden fan, myself.

SID slams on the brakes.

SID
What did you just say?

JACK
I was just saying that Iron Maiden
never really did it for me.

SID
Is that so? Well, Mr. Smarty
Fuckin’ Pants, what would you
like to listen to?

JACK
I don’t know. Maybe some Black
Sabbath. That would be pretty
badass abduction music.

MIKE
Ooh yeah, Sabbath.

SID smacks JACK on the head.

SID
No it would not be badass.
Don’t you ever talk smack about
Iron Maiden in my car again!

CURT
It was an oratorical question
anyways.

SID peels out.

CURT (CONT.)
But actually, some Black Sabbath
would be pretty badass, dude.

SID
Shut up, Curt.

You Wanna Help Us?

We will be looking for readers in the next month or so to read The Rickert Racket script and give us honest feedback about it. Honest. If it sucks, tell us. If it's okay, say something. If it's great, then definitely let us know.

If you'd be interested in reading the script, send us an e-mail at justtwoguys[aaaattttt]hotmail[dooootttttt]com or leave a comment.

The Rickert Racket Script Excerpt #1

Here is the first script excerpt. Formatting is a little tricky in blogger, but I think you get the idea. Our reading copy format is much nicer.

INT. MIKE AND JACK’S APARTMENT. THE OFFICE. MORNING.

JACK and MIKE are working at their computers. They are both deep in thought.

JACK
How’s work going?

MIKE
I’m just finishing up this quiz I’ve
prepared for them on the economics
of cardboard.

JACK
You’ll have to fill me in sometime.
Something every redblooded American
should know.

MIKE
How about you?

JACK
I’m working on a hot story
involving the President and the
Prime Minister of Canada. They
are in Reykjavik working on an
arms treaty with South American
countries. The two first ladies
have just broken into a bottle of
brandy.

MIKE
Things are about to get wild.

The telephone rings. MIKE answers.

MIKE
Hello? Yeah, this is Mike
speaking. Really? Really?! I
think that would work out well.
How about Monday night at 8:30?
Great! We really appreciate this,
and we look forward to meeting her.
Uh huh. Of course!!! Okay, yep,
we can definitely do that. Wait,
she wants us to . . . oh, okay then.
Let me just get a pen.

MIKE grabs a pen begins to scratch down notes.

MIKE (cont.)
Mmm-hmm. Okay. I think I’ve got it.
Thank you so much Mr. Harris. We’ll
be in touch. Good-bye.

MIKE hangs up the phone. He is very excited.

JACK
Who was that?

MIKE
We got her on the show!


JACK
Who?

MIKE
Melinski.

JACK
Are you kidding me?

MIKE
No, that was a Mr. Harris. He’s a
representative of the Melinski
Family. He said Ms. Melinski is a
fan of the show and would love to
be on.

JACK
Does this seem weird to you?

MIKE
It just seems like a dream.

JACK
Yeah, it’s bizarre. I still sort
of feel like the whole thing is a
hoax.

MIKE
Our Hugh Grant moment.

JACK
What?

MIKE
Jay Leno had Hugh Grant on after he
picked up that prostitute. After
that, Jay’s ratings were forever
higher than Letterman’s.

JACK
Wait, you’re out of bounds. There
are no hookers involved in this,
and we don’t really have a
Letterman . . . . We don’t have any
competition on public access. Well,
except for those bigots with a gun
show.

MIKE
Right. It really wouldn’t hurt if
we had prostitutes involved though.

JACK
Dude, we are way off topic here.
So what else did Mr. Harris say?

MIKE
He is going to release a press
statement to all the local media
outlets that the proposals should
be sent to us. Then we have to
pass along the proposals so the
heiress can review them.

JACK
Are we allowed to look at the
proposals?

MIKE
Yeah, he said the Heiress would
like a summary of our thoughts
before the show, and that she would
discuss the most exciting proposals
with us. It’s her decision, but
she’ll listen to our opinions.
This is a dream, Jack.

JACK
Unbelievable.

MIKE
This will change us forever.

MIKE turns on television.

MIKE (cont.)
Hey, I think it’s time for Days.

JACK
Man, how can you watch this every day?

MIKE
It’s like crack. For my mind.

JACK
It’s like crap for your mind is
more like it. I need a beer.

JACK gets up to get a beer.

JACK (cont.)
I don’t know how any self-respecting
writer could attach their name to
this shit.

MIKE
Oh man, these commercials are so
targeted for women. It’s always
tampon this or maxipad that. Guys
watch this stuff, too.

JACK
Yeah, guys.

MIKE
What kind of tampon would you use,
if you were a chick?

JACK
Dude, I don’t know. Save it for the
show. It’s like that time you
asked me about--

MIKE
Shhhhhhhhh! They’re having a news
break about the Heiress.

ANCHOR 1 and ANCHOR 2 can be clearly heard on the television.

ANCHOR 1
And this just in to the Channel
20 studio. Heiress Melinski, heir
to the Crème de le Mel Doughnut empire,
has agreed to appear on the, let me
read this right, Just Two Dudes Show
where she will discuss the nominees
and announce the recipient of the 10
million dollars. Hal, this is an
interesting turn of events in an
already exciting story.

ANCHOR 2
Wow, I agree. We’ll keep you updated
on any new developments as they
happen. Now let’s go the weather.
Gus?’”

EXT. MIKE AND JACK’S APARTMENT. AFTERNOON.

There is a car parked outside the apartment. Two men are in the car. Someone is still watching the Dudes.

INT. JACK AND MIKE’S APARTMENT. THE OFFICE. NIGHT.

JACK
Holy Shit! Mike come here.

MIKE rushes in wearing aerobics leotards.

JACK
You will not believe this!

MIKE
What?! I’m trying to get my flex
on!

JACK
Our blog has been blowing up with
comments since that announcement
this afternoon.

MIKE
Anything good?

JACK
Mostly the usual. “You guys are so
lame . . .”

MIKE
They love us.

JACK
Or “Keep up the good work.” You
know, that kind of shit.

MIKE
But?

JACK
Well, there’s one messsage that
stands out to me.

MIKE
What is it?

JACK
Someone posted a comment requesting
us to meet them at the 3rd level of
the Hilton parking garage tonight
at 10:15 for a special meeting.

MIKE
What?! Who is it?

Just Two Guys Movie

Background

For those of you who have been with us from the beginning, you may remember a little thing called the Springfield Community Movie Project. It was an idea Micah and I had way back when we first started working on the show to foster a community of people who wanted to make movies on a volunteer basis. Micah and I have always been interested in making movies, and we thought it would be fun to approach filmmaking like a community theater project. Basically, using resources that are available for free, and utilizing regular people from the community who are interested in volunteering their time for community art's sake. Long story short, the SCMP died when there was no interest.

So, Micah and I devoted some time over the last year to writing a script. It is now complete. By complete I mean we've created an original draft, revised it a dozen or so times, and are starting to share it with interested readers to get feedback. We still need to do a full read-through to fine-tune the dialogue, and get some criticism from people who can offer it, but the story is there. I'm sure there is plenty more fine-tuning ahead, but we've reached the end of stage one: actually having a script.

Our ultimate goal would be to see the movie shot and aired locally. We have a few ideas for this. One would be to show it in serialized form on the Just Two Guys program. The movie will be feature length (it will come in between 100 and 120 minutes in length), and we thought it might be worthwhile and more doable to shoot it in smaller chunks and air it on our Public Access show. When the whole thing is finished, we'll put it all together, and maybe put it online for all to see.

Ultimately, I'd love the opportunity to see it play at the Route 66 Film Festival. That would be an honor. This is a Springfield movie, and I feel like a hometown crowd could really appreciate it. Our goal all along has been to make Springfield one of the stars of the movie. Throughout the movie, we draw on the lore of the Springfield community for content, and the whole action of the film is driven by a corrupt politician trying to get his hands on money.

Another route, a pipe dream, would be to get the film produced by a studio. We've considered sending it to 747 Productions to see if they would be interested in producing it. This seems like a long shot, but it would be worth a try.

The Movie

The movie will be titled The Rickert Racket.

So, what's the movie about? Well, they say write what you know, so we did. The movie centers on two guys, Jack and Mike, who host a public access show called Just Two Dudes. I know, I know, just bear with me. The dudes live together, and both work from home. Jack is a writer. He writes erotica for a living, but he longs to make it some day as a novelist. Mike eeks out a living teaching classes online. They derive joy in their lives mostly by producing their public access show and drinking copious amounts of beer.

Their lives are thrown into chaos when a local heiress chooses the Just Two Dudes program to announce the winner of a $10 million entrepreneurial grant. As the movie drives toward the announcement show, the dudes are barraged by people desperate to get their hands on the money. The dudes face a beating, kidnappings, and even death threats at the hands of hired assassins as they try to find a way to do what's right for their community.

More Information

Keep following the blog for more information. I'm going to post a few teasers from the script over the next several days to give people an idea of the style and flavor of the film. I'll also start posting character descriptions to see if anyone out there would be interested in volunteering their time to take on a role in the film.

When Binoculars Just Aren't Enough

Several folks locally have blogged about the UFO sightings over Texas. But, I just wanted to highlight the redneckiness (?) of the folks in the story. I know Dave touched on this, but I really feel like this needs its own blog post.

Sorrells said he has seen the object several times. He said he watched it through his rifle's telescopic lens and described it as very large and without seams, nuts or bolts.

I don't even care about the UFO. Weird shit happens. It could be secret military operations. It could be drug-runners with highly sophisticated technology. It could be a combination of agricultural toxins poisoning the drinking water and excessive bible-thumping that is causing widespread hallucinations. Hell, it could be a UFO. I don't claim to have it all figured out. What I love most about this story is that when Mr. Sorrels needed a closer look, he didn't think, "Hmmm, I better grab my binoculars." He didn't think, "Oh man, I'll go grab my telescope." Nope, instead, he put down his can of Stag and said, "Darlin', hand me my rifle."

Where in the World is Harry Bensley?

Lately, I've been doing some background research on Jules Verne. When I was a kid, I thought Verne's books were wonderful. I started reading them when I was pretty young, and I always felt like finishing a good Verne book really said something about me. I remember the books being quite difficult, but mesmerising.

Today when I was looking at some information on Verne's book, Around the World in 80 Days, I learned that since the book was published, numerous publicity-seeking individuals have attempted to circumnavigate the globe in a variety of ways as a sort of homage to Verne's story. Some of these journeys were just plain absurd.

Take, for example, Harry Bensley. While much of the truth of Bensley's story is questionable, it is awesome nonetheless. In one story, Bensley overheard John Pierpont Morgan and Hugh Cecil Lowther arguing over if it was possible for a man to walk around the world without being identified. In this version of the story, Bensley overheard and offered to attempt the feat, for a fee of $100,000. In another story, Bensley had lost his entire fortune gambling to the men, and in an attempt to win his money back, offered to attempt the journey. It is unclear which story is true.

What is generally agreed upon is that through some set of events, Bensley, a well-known rake and adventurer, volunteered to attempt a trip around the world, on foot, without being recognized.

Here is a list of the requirements that Bensley had to meet in order to win the wager:

1. Bensley was never to be identified;
2. He was to walk around the world but first through specific 169 British cities and towns in a specific order; to prove his visit he would have to collect a signature from a local prominent resident. After that he would begin a tour of 18 countries and would have to visit them, also in pre-specified order.
3. Bensley was to finance himself, starting off with just GBP 1 and selling picture cards about himself;
4. Only a change of underclothes was allowed as baggage;
5. He was to complete the journey wearing an iron mask weighing 2 kg (4.5 lb) from a suit of armour;
6. He was to push a baby carriage the entire journey;
7. Another man was to accompany him to see that he fulfilled the conditions in all times, and
8. On the journey he was to find a wife without her seeing his face (note that he was possibly married already).

Did he actually complete the journey? Well, no. He traveled for six and half years before calling it quits. When World War I broke out, Bensley returned to England to fight. At the point he stopped his journey, he was in Genoa, Italy, and claimed to have journeyed over 30,000 miles on foot. During his journey he claimed to have received over 200 offers of marriage, but he turned them all down. He also claimed to have met and sold a postcard to King Edward VII. The king asked for Bensley's autograph, but he did not comply as this would have revealed his identity. Upon returning to England, Bensley received 4,000 English pounds as compensation for his time.

-much of this information is from Wikipedia and source sites like this one

Coen Brothers Poll

In honor of The Lebowski Experience, I'm putting up a poll about the Coen Brothers. Quite simply, which movie by the Coens is your favorite? Poll will be in the right-hand margin of the page.

The Lebowski Experience

Let's not forget about The Lebowski Experience, kiddies. It's coming up this Saturday, January 19 at Strike 'n Spare West. Official start time for check-in is 2 PM. I'm not sure exactly how the day will go down, but I do know what's involved: a screening of The Big Lebowski, trivia, and a costume contest (dress accordingly). After the movie, join everyone for a game of bowling. The price of registration ($18.69) includes admission to the movie, a TLE Official T-Shirt, prizes, 1 game of bowling, shoe rental, and a boatload of good times.

Micah and I will be there starting at roughly 2 o'clock, taping an episode or two of Just Two Guys. Stop by and say hey. We'll put you on the air.

My New Band, Too

Thanks to Tim and Springfield's favorite communist I have assembled my very own band. I like to imagine that my band, Pinus aristata, is a prog-rock band in the vein of a Sleepytime Gorilla Museum or Merzbow.

The band: Pinus aristata

Album Title: Full of Obstacle Illusions

Album Cover:

Open Letter to Drivers Who Speed on Fayette Ave.

Dear Dicks-

I know you think Fayette is some sort of super-speedy shortcut between MacArthur and Chatham Road. You think wrong. This isn't some lawless realm where speed limits don't apply. There is a speed limit here. It's 25.

Asshole, stop driving like a hundred miles per hour through my neighborhood. You're seriously pissing me off. There are a lot of kids around. And there are a lot of pets around, too. If one of my dogs ever slips away and gets hit by you, I swear to the god of hammers and meat tenderizers that I will pound away at you until there is nothing left but an oily grease spot in the driver's seat.

Do you want people driving through your neighborhood at 25 or 30 mph over the posted speed limit and blowing through stop signs like they don't exist? I seriously doubt it. So stop being a hemorrhoid and slow the hell down.

Yours,

John

Intriguing

I caught his article this morning. An Iowa mom bought a car for her son around Thanksgiving. One of the rules applied to the son's ownership of the car was no booze in the car ever, no excuses. Well, mom recently found booze stashed under the front seat of the car, and true to her word, she revoked his ownership. But she took it another step. She put an advertisement in The Des Moines Register that says:

OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet.

I appreciate this no mercy approach to parenting. It seems like too often I read stories about parents who establish rules but don't enforce them. Or they don't even establish any rules to begin with. Plus, I really dig the mean mom's sarcastic tone. That's good stuff.
And hey kid, it's called a flask. Keep it on your person at all times.

Taping Tonight

Micah and I will kamikaze roll back into the studio tonight to tape a new episode of Just Two Guys. On tap for tonight is a new "I am the king of . . ." segment in which we will compete to build a better something out of some stuff. I think tonight's competition will involve marshmallows and toothpicks.

At some point in the evening, Micah and I would like to introduce a new segment called "Talk/Countertalk." The premise: we will debate opposite sides of an issue. I think this segment has an opportunity to create some real fireworks.

Also, we will take some time tonight to answer viewer questions. As the show has grown increasingly more popular, the stack of mail at the Just Two Guys production office has gotten huge. We've grabbed a few viewer questions at random and will do our best to answer them on the air.

To fill out the rest of our 28 or so minutes, we will use filler and dead air.

New Feature on the J2G Blog

In Season Two, Micah and I have tried to transition the show. Season One was all about the Q & A. Season Two is about sketches (for lack of a better word). We're working hard this season to bring new, fresh material to every episode, and I think it shows.

One problem, though, is that a lot of people can't get to the good stuff. It's not always reasonable to sit down and watch a 30-minute episode of J2G on your PC. So, we will now be offering "Just Two Guys Shorts." These will be clips of our favorite moments from the shows. These shorts can be found spread out along the right-hand side of the blog page. As we get more of them, we'll rotate them in and out. I hope this makes it easier for people to get their eyes on some of the moments we've deemed most view-worthy.

New Shows Online

Sorry for the delays in posting. Micah and I have been working on a supersecret, supersweet project, and it has left me with little time or creative juices to post lately. My apologies.

There are new shows online. Episode 17, our last show of Season 1 is finally up. In this show, we sit around drinking beer and wine and discuss some of our favorite less popular movies from the 1980s. I can't say how we missed putting this online months ago, but we did.

Episodes 20 and 21, our newest shows are online now, as well. Episode 20 features the dramatic return of John. After being left for dead in the park, John, without clothes and living in a tent in Riverside Park, returns to the show (due to a contract obligation). The guys interview Rodd Whelpley, a local novelist, and discuss his book A Capital Murder. Also includes a dramatic reading of an alternate ending of Titanic, and Micah gets attacked by SPAM from the Beyond.

Episode 21 features a phone call to talent agent Reginald Foxley, the agent of one Mr. Phil Collins. Micah has an irrational hatred of Phil Collins, so the guys call his agent and let them know how they feel. The guys also discuss a totem John found at Salvation Army. Apparently this totem has magical powers that allows our viewers to glimpse into an alternate universe. Only on the J2G program do you get to catch a glimpse of an alternate universe in which Springfield collapsed while Sangamo Town thrives and flourishes. Also, some special Christmas shorts from the Internet Archive.

Episode 20

Episode 21