The Night I Almost Killed My Friend Travis with Glade Brand Air Freshener

On my previous post about coffee, my friend Travis left the following comment:

I did not cast my vote becuase Glade was not an option.

This is a little inside joke between me and Travis. You see, it goes back to our days as roommates at Eastern. I'll explain here so we can all be in on the joke.

One night, there wasn't much going on around the dorm, so we decided to take it easy. We decided to sit around, get drunk, and play Super Nintendo (this dates me, I know).
We didn't have much to drink, so we made due with orange sodas (generic, I think) and drugstore bottom-shelf vodka. After we'd been drinking awhile, we ran out of orange sodas. We managed to borrow some root beers from the guys who lived next to us. These were the same brain surgeons who came home from class one Friday and mixed a packet of unsweetened Kool-aid with a liter of vodka and no sugar. It was horrible, but they drank it anyway.

As the night went on, and Travis and I got drunker and drunker, we pursued other mixing media for our cheap vodka. At some point in the night, I reached my level of intoxication that can only be described as my "drunken fool" stage. This is the stage that precedes my "tear off all my clothes and try to fistfight anyone within shouting distance while simultaneously puking and pooping" stage (yes, folks, it's quite a trick). So we found ourselves in someone's room begging for mixers. Whoever this person was, they were set up. They had an array of beverages from which to choose.

I decided I wanted to make a very special drink for my good friend Travis to commemorate our good times together (did I mention I also get sentimental when I drink?). I mixed Vodka and whiskey with some cola, some root beer, some orange soda, some Sunny Delight, some potato chips, some peanuts, some corn chips (crumbled), and some sort of candy (Starburst maybe, or Skittles). I only needed one thing to top it off. I needed to add something that would really add a signature touch to this mixed drink concoction. I had in mind to cover the top of it with some whipped cream, but couldn't find any. The next best thing: Glade brand air freshener (some kind of citrus-vanilla blend, I think).

After spritzing both Travis's drink and my drink with a healthy dose of Glade, we turned the old "bottom's up." Needless to say I don't remember much else after that point. Travis tells me that he finished his drink and asked for another, and I gladly obliged. I was blacked out and remember none of it.

The next morning, Travis woke up to a strange rash covering his chest and back and arms. The only thing we could figure was that he was having some sort of reaction to the Glade cocktail I'd made. We've long been joking of reliving that night, but I think we're both too afraid.

We're much smarter now, you see.