Cliches

John has handed me the keys to the blog for a few days. Actually, I always have the keys but he is a much better driver. That's a metaphor. I love metaphors and I love cliches. More specifically, I love movie and television cliches. There is a great website called "The Movie Cliches List" that is fun to read. It looks like an ancient website but it's still relevant. Here is another article with a more modern take on cliches. When I'm in the mood for a good cliche filled film, I always turn to the big police action type films. A good example is the latest Die Hard film. I actually really liked the film for what it was but the cliches were endless. In fact, John McClain is one big cliche. No harm done though. The cliches exist to move the film along without having to explain a scene in detail and they are also there to protect us from having to see the reality of a situation. For instance, when Bruce Willis jumps out of a car at 70 mph, he just has that wince and a small cut on his face and arm. In reality, he would have little skin left on his arms and he would not be recognizable. Let alone, alive.

My favorite cliche that is mostly used on television is when someone comes to a house or an apartment and the door is unlocked or cracked open, they will definately find a crime scene. I guess that's the lesson, if you come across a door that is slightly open, draw the gun from your holster because something is going down. If there's one thing that murders are bad at, it's closing doors.

Here are some others:

More often than not, the best method to revive somebody after their heart has stopped, assuming that there has already been a lengthy attempt to revive them with CPR, those electric zapperthings, ect., is screaming at them something like:"You never backed away from everything in your life, now fight! Fight! FIIIIGHT!" or "You can't do this to me! I love you, goddammit!"

When you use a movie taxi don't ever give any change. Drivers won't know what to do with it. Just say "thank you" when you pay a bill, reach into your pocket without looking, take out whatever note is in it - it will just fit.

Bombs always have big, blinking, beeping timer displays. Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people are always thoughtful enough to include a visible display (usually LED) of how much time remains before the bomb detonates, giving the hero accurate feedback on exactly how much time remains.

Police cars involved in chase scenes usually tend to suffer more than any other vehicles- they have head on collisions, smash parked cars, fall into water, and of course, experience the ever popular flying-roll, causing the car to land upside down and crush the lights and siren. Usually, we never get to see the unlucky police force member before or after the inevitable accident.

When your sidekick, lover, or similar acquaintance is on the verge of dying, don't call an ambulance; instead hold her warmly and whisper words of comfort, or kiss her passionately. Theoretically she may not be much into it under the circumstances, but hey, it may be your last chance! Then, when she relaxes or slumps over visibly, you can say your tearful good-bye to her, because this means she is dead. Alternately, if she is already slumped over when you get to her, check her pulse, but if the resulting music is soft and slow, don't bother trying CPR. If she doesn't like this treatment better than a chance to save her life, don't worry; it's not like she will be able to do anything about it!